I am asleep. Then the dream begins. Before me stand two people. They seem to have the appearance of human beings but something isn't 'right', something doesn't feel 'right'. I begin to cry. Tears flood my eyes. The humanlike creatures have told me I have to go with them. One is very tall and so thin, each limb looks too frail to be human, yet it appears with a human face and distorted human body. It moves delicately, rather like an insect. I'm aware of the arms being so painfully thin, with elongated hands and thin, rippling fingers. The face appears calm, yet I know its not the true face, its hiding something. I feel fear grip my stomach. The other creature is quite opposite to the first. It is short and round. Painfully round. Again it appears to be human, but I feel that its hiding its true nature. It hurts me to look at them both. I cry more, calling out for my mummy and daddy to come and rescue me. The beings take me.
I am walking down a brightly lit white corridor. The two creatures are talking to me yet I am unable to bring to mind what they're saying. I keep thinking "I must have something to remember this by, some kind of touchstone to bring me back. Something to tell me that I'm here again". You see, I have a sense of having been here before. I am so afraid, so scared, as I have no idea what they want with me. Then I see it. A short cupboard, rather like a bedside cabinet, made of wood. This will be my touchstone. This will be my reminder. Something tangible and 'normal' in the midst of this experience. I pass the object, but I know it's there, I know it's real.
The beings take me out into a large, oval shaped room. It reminds me of a football stadium, except that it has a roof. It's all white in here too. At one end there is a large screen. There are other people here, other human people. I'm no longer alone with the creatures. But I can't talk to the others. I try to shout, but there's no sound. I am so very scared.
The dream changes. I am standing next to a log cabin in the middle of some woods by a river. I can smell the scent of pine, hear the rustling of the leaves in the wind. The sun shines and makes patterns on the ground and gives everything a golden hue. It must be autumn. I hear noises through the trees the sound of logs rolling. The trunks of what appear to be hundreds of trees are rolling down the hill toward me. I am rooted to the spot. I begin to scream and the logs roll over me, hundreds and hundreds of logs piling over me. I feel no pain, I'm just screaming.
I wake up, still screaming, but there is no sound, I try to move and all my limbs are like lead. They feel swollen. I manage to move my hands, my fingers feel like useless sausages all swollen and immovable. I am sweating the cold sweat of fear. I see a shadow in the corner of my room. "Daddy?!" I am able to make a noise finally. The shadow creeps across my room from one wall to the other and vanishes. "Oh its OK, its just Spiderman". I try to rationalise what I've just witnessed. I see a clockface appear on the wall. London comes to mind and Big Ben. I finally fall into a deep calming sleep. I am no longer afraid.
It wasn't the last time I had the 'dream'. I had this dream many times during childhood. So much so that I became deeply afraid of going to sleep. Apparently, when I was a baby, I slept for no more than half an hour a night the rest of the time was consumed by crying. I didn't sleep during the day either, my time was spent drinking in experiences and learning what I could as quickly as was possible for me. I was walking at nine months and could read before I went to school. My mum regularly used to catch me watching Open University programmes and even commented once how I had worked out a mathematical equation before the answer had been given on-screen. I hasten to add that maths has never been my strong point in this world.
The dream first started when I was around three or so, or should I say, that's when I became aware of it. Almost like a pre-cursor to something. I have never found out what the 'beings' have wanted. I know that I don't have control over the contact and the 'contact' has changed over time as I have grown and developed different abilities in life. The two beings in this 'dream' last appeared when I was fifteen, or should I say, it was the last time that I was aware that these particular beings came to me.
I have spent the following years learning what I could about the supernatural, the occult, that which is hidden from view. Growing up I often read ghost stories and would sense things and be told "It's nothing". I had dreams, such vivid dreams. Would experience a weird sensation of having been in a situation before, a deja-vu feeling, knowing that I'd once dreamed it and now it was really taking place. This happened a fair bit as I grew and still does from time to time. Now I notice it as a precursor to something larger; a change in circumstances for me, a change of job, moving home, or even a change in love relationships. I see it as an augury of change. I never know what the change will be, only that change is around the corner. The more often I get the experience, the more likely it herald a big change. I will make a choice after which things seem to settle down, until it all begins again and I get the feeling that I've experienced something before and have dreamed something into being.
Talking about it all
Down the years I have attempted to tell people of my experiences. Some laugh, others mock. Some are scared by it. Others agree that its perfectly 'normal' (whatever that is) to have these experiences. All I know is that I have had them. I have looked for explanations. My life has been a quest. A search for an understanding and meaning behind what has happened.
I began to feel quite uncomfortable and wasn't sure how to approach my disclosure.
"Only I've had a dream that keeps repeating itself, "I began, my stomach tied in knots as I spoke, "its really weird mum and its making me scared to go to sleep"
"Its only a nightmare, don't worry, you'll be OK. When I get those dreams I get strange feelings sometimes too, like something has happened before and I can't stop it." She assured.
My guard was dropping, I began to feel like I could open up.
"Yeah, but I see things, people in my room and they take me places."
Abruptly my mum called the matter to a close, "Its nothing. Just a dream. Promise me you won't talk to your dad about it, he gets angry about things like this, we shouldn't talk about it any more."
Stifled, I began to feel the sense of uneasiness draw across me once more. I then realised that I couldn't talk to my mum about my experiences. But what was I to do? Who could I talk to? My friends at school would just laugh. I was being bullied anyway so really didn't want to have more reason for people to deride me. I decided from that day that if I was going to find out about the dreams and experiences I was going to have to do it the hard way. On my own.
No comments:
Post a Comment