Chapter 2 - Talking about it all.

Chapter 2 - Talking about it all

"Mum, have you ever had any strange dreams?" I sat down on the sofa next to my mum, the sun shining through the windows. I must have been around seven or eight. I needed to know what the dreams were and I asked the only person who I thought might be able to help.

"Well.. sometimes." My mother answered tentatively, "I usually dream that your Nan Beaman is pregnant when someone in the family is going to have a baby"

"Oh, that's interesting, so do you know who is having the baby, or anything like that?" I asked, my interest piqued.

"Usually not, only that my mum, your nan is pregnant, why do you ask?"

I began to feel quite uncomfortable and wasn't sure how to approach my disclosure.

"Only I've had a dream that keeps repeating itself, "I began, my stomach tied in knots as I spoke, "its really weird mum and its making me scared to go to sleep"

"Its only a nightmare, don't worry, you'll be OK. When I get those dreams I get strange feelings sometimes too, like something has happened before and I can't stop it." She assured.

 My guard was dropping, I began to feel like I could open up.

"Yeah, but I see things, people in my room and they take me places."

Abruptly my mum called the matter to a close, "Its nothing. Just a dream. Promise me you won't talk to your dad about it, he gets angry about things like this, we shouldn't talk about it any more."

Stifled, I began to feel the sense of uneasiness draw across me once more. I then realised that I couldn't talk to my mum about my experiences. But what was I to do? Who could I talk to? My friends at school would just laugh. I was being bullied anyway so really didn't want to have more reason for people to deride me. I decided from that day that if I was going to find out about the dreams and experiences I was going to have to do it the hard way. On my own.

From a dream awakened...

I am asleep. Then the dream begins. Before me stand two people. They seem to have the appearance of human beings but something isn't 'right', something doesn't feel 'right'. I begin to cry. Tears flood my eyes. The humanlike creatures have told me I have to go with them. One is very tall and so thin, each limb looks too frail to be human, yet it appears with a human face and distorted human body. It moves delicately, rather like an insect. I'm aware of the arms being so painfully thin, with elongated hands and thin, rippling fingers. The face appears calm, yet I know its not the true face, its hiding something. I feel fear grip my stomach. The other creature is quite opposite to the first. It is short and round. Painfully round. Again it appears to be human, but I feel that its hiding its true nature. It hurts me to look at them both. I cry more, calling out for my mummy and daddy to come and rescue me. The beings take me.

I am walking down a brightly lit white corridor. The two creatures are talking to me yet I am unable to bring to mind what they're saying. I keep thinking "I must have something to remember this by, some kind of touchstone to bring me back. Something to tell me that I'm here again". You see, I have a sense of having been here before. I am so afraid, so scared, as I have no idea what they want with me. Then I see it. A short cupboard, rather like a bedside cabinet, made of wood. This will be my touchstone. This will be my reminder. Something tangible and 'normal' in the midst of this experience. I pass the object, but I know it's there, I know it's real.

The beings take me out into a large, oval shaped room. It reminds me of a football stadium, except that it has a roof. It's all white in here too. At one end there is a large screen. There are other people here, other human people. I'm no longer alone with the creatures. But I can't talk to the others. I try to shout, but there's no sound. I am so very scared.

The dream changes. I am standing next to a log cabin in the middle of some woods by a river. I can smell the scent of pine, hear the rustling of the leaves in the wind. The sun shines and makes patterns on the ground and gives everything a golden hue. It must be autumn. I hear noises through the trees the sound of logs rolling. The trunks of what appear to be hundreds of trees are rolling down the hill toward me. I am rooted to the spot. I begin to scream and the logs roll over me, hundreds and hundreds of logs piling over me. I feel no pain, I'm just screaming.

I wake up, still screaming, but there is no sound, I try to move and all my limbs are like lead. They feel swollen. I manage to move my hands, my fingers feel like useless sausages all swollen and immovable. I am sweating the cold sweat of fear. I see a shadow in the corner of my room. "Daddy?!" I am able to make a noise finally. The shadow creeps across my room from one wall to the other and vanishes. "Oh its OK, its just Spiderman". I try to rationalise what I've just witnessed. I see a clockface appear on the wall. London comes to mind and Big Ben. I finally fall into a deep calming sleep. I am no longer afraid.

It wasn't the last time I had the 'dream'. I had this dream many times during childhood. So much so that I became deeply afraid of going to sleep. Apparently, when I was a baby, I slept for no more than half an hour a night the rest of the time was consumed by crying. I didn't sleep during the day either, my time was spent drinking in experiences and learning what I could as quickly as was possible for me. I was walking at nine months and could read before I went to school. My mum regularly used to catch me watching Open University programmes and even commented once how I had worked out a mathematical equation before the answer had been given on-screen. I hasten to add that maths has never been my strong point in this world.

The dream first started when I was around three or so, or should I say, that's when I became aware of it. Almost like a pre-cursor to something. I have never found out what the 'beings' have wanted. I know that I don't have control over the contact and the 'contact' has changed over time as I have grown and developed different abilities in life. The two beings in this 'dream' last appeared when I was fifteen, or should I say, it was the last time that I was aware that these particular beings came to me.

I have spent the following years learning what I could about the supernatural, the occult, that which is hidden from view. Growing up I often read ghost stories and would sense things and be told "It's nothing". I had dreams, such vivid dreams. Would experience a weird sensation of having been in a situation before, a deja-vu feeling, knowing that I'd once dreamed it and now it was  really taking place. This happened a fair bit as I grew and still does from time to time. Now I notice it as a precursor to something larger; a change in circumstances for me, a change of job, moving home, or even a change in love relationships. I see it as an augury of change. I never know what the change will be, only that change is around the corner. The more often I get the experience, the more likely it herald a big change. I will make a choice after which things seem to settle down, until it all begins again and I get the feeling that I've experienced something before and have dreamed something into being.

Down the years I have attempted to tell people of my experiences. Some laugh, others mock. Some are scared by it. Others agree that its perfectly 'normal' (whatever that is) to have these experiences. All I know is that I have had them. I have looked for explanations. My life has been a quest. A search for an understanding and meaning behind what has happened.

Natural Supernature... The Blog!!

Here is a place where I intend to do my writing. I am compiling research for a book and will also be delivering a bit of an autobiography. This is probably going to be a place of mind venting and pin pointing what I will be including in a book eventually, so expect streams of conciousness writing and dot connecting.

So my book is to try and uncover the natural supernature that is part of many people's lives. They might not realise it, but what they attribute to 'weird' experiences is something for them not to be afraid of.

I'm someone who doesn't like 'labels'. I don't like labelling things, never have, as I see that the potential of a given thing might be restricted if we give it a label. I'm only calling my writing a 'book', because it may get published at some point. Also when we label things we tend to take them for granted. By labelling something we are not allowing it to be anything else. For example if each one of us didn't learn to speak, or communicate in the same or similar languages, and were allowed to develop our own unique language, would we still call a table a 'table'? Also, if we zoom in to the microscopic structure of said table, we find atoms whizzing around in something.. Most would say 'space', but the 'space' had been proven scientifically to not be empty, but to be filled with stuff that is beyond our current perception. The table then ceases to be a table, but merely a bunch of atoms zooming around in some kind of 'stuff', some of the electrons zooming in and out of our perception, meaning that technically at times the table exists and other times it doesn't. The long and short of it being that the table and us are the same, all made up of the same 'stuff'.

So, how does this 'stuff' know how to form into the objects that we perceive? Well, its down to how we see it really. Literally down to our own perception. If we perceive a table to exist then it exists. I heard tale of Natives in some far off land not seeing the Conquistador ships sailing toward them, as they had never seen a ship before, they were beyond the perception of the said natives. If we can't 'see' something then, does it exist? Spiritualist mediums talk of spiritual realms, where deceased relatives hang out and wait to be called to move on. The medium, a kind of 'go-between' accesses the place where the souls of the deceased hang out and communicate with them. The vast majority of humanity have no concept of this, or perception of this, but a medium will as it is within their perception field.

So things become real when we perceive that they are 'real' (whatever 'real' is!)

Techincally speaking our reality is the way it is because we perceive it to be that way. Then we start getting into the realms of being able to change our reality, changing our reality through changing our perception of reality. We can all see both the positive and negative side of our reality, of our lives, if you will. We might see problems as hills to overcome, or something we can't escape from.

I'll give you an example. Professor Stephen Hawking. Here is someone who has suffered in his life. He developed Motor Neurone Disease and began a decline into his illness. However, Professor Hawking has done something that not many people do when faced with insurmountable odds. He has chosen to change his reality. How? He hasn't become defined by his illness. Admittedly he has physical issues, but he has a brilliant mind, keen, acute and observant. This brilliant man has developed theories about our Universe that leave us reeling that have finally allowed many people to have a 'a-ha' moment as the lightbulb has switched on. He isn't his illness, neither is he labelled as such. Thankfully we have people like Professor Hawking in the world. So, he is someone, who despite everything, still has achieved something and created a new reality for himself. It might not be in exactly the way he would have liked, but he is still an inspiration to many.

To wrap this part up: Reality can be defined by our perception of it and as such can be changed and not limited.